Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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