i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
