when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize