There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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