Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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