Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
