my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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