he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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