My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
