I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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