One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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