he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish i was in the wii world.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
