thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
