I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
