I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
