I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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