I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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