I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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