And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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