No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have already put on my inside pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
