My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
