Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
