totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
