Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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