i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize