I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
