i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
