Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
