I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
