too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
