at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
