Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
