He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
