It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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