Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
