weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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