if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
