The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
