one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
