How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
