I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
