Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
