so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
