Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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