Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
