I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
