yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
