Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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