we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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