babies were throwing up all over the place
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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