I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize