He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
