Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
