Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
