you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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