I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
