just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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