Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize