I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
