Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
