i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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