All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
