You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
