just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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