Do you still have your period?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
