WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
