oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
