Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
