y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
