Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
