All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
