oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
