Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
