dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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