Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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