I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
