God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
