Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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