theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
