I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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