mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
