NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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