ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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