Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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