the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
