Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize