so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
