I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
