So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
