You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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