your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
