i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
