Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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