Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
