she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
