im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
