she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
