My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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