Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize