I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
